5 things I’ve realized at 25

1. Everyone is as lost as you are.

Sometimes, we get envious of people in our news feed posting photos and following their dreams. What we don’t know is that they are as lost as we are, they are just better at hiding it. What people post in social media are just the ‘tip of the iceberg‘. Life crisis happens at any age.

2. It’s okay to say ‘No’.

I’ve always been a ‘Yes’ person because I wanted to avoid conflicts and I hated to upset anyone. There were many times I’ve tolerated other people’s actions (and mine’s) because I was too afraid to reject people. I had this turning point in my life when I said ‘No’ to someone I care about because I know it will hurt more if I stayed. It was sad, but it was also a relief.

3. People come and go.

People whom you hold dear to your heart will leave. People you thought you’ll have for the rest of your life won’t have second thoughts letting you go. It will hurt at first but you will be fine. People are temporary. People grow apart.

4. It’s okay to be selfish.

Giving can be tiring, especially when you feel empty. Giving to others isn’t always the solution. Sometimes, you have to give some to yourself, too. Which in turn, will let you give more to others. Remember, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’

5. Family is important.

Your family will always be there for you no matter what. They will stay through your ups and downs and will always support you. I wouldn’t have survived without mine. Love you, Fam!

One last note:

Don’t try to make everything perfect. You’re still young. It’s okay to make mistakes, but learn from them. Don’t compare your life to others because you’ll always be disappointed. Follow your own vibe and your own pace. You’re doing okay. 🙂

We’re all suffering our own battles.

As kids, we grew up believing in fairy tales. That we’re all secret princesses or princes waiting for our happily ever after. Well, that was how it was with me. I remember waiting for the moment my fairy godmother would pop out of nowhere, tell me I’m a princess of some far away kingdom and take me away, never to return.

But, of course, that moment never came. I’ve lived in this fantasy world for a while because society was plain cruel.

You know, I was born differently and so people around me made it their reason to point out that I was different. Making friends wasn’t easy. I grew insecure. I’ve always been insecure. I made bad decisions. I’ve always tried too hard to be friends with everyone because I wanted to fit in.

I know how it felt to be left out, so I promised myself I will never make anyone feel that way. But I guess, people will always interpret your actions in a different way. I was always the odd one out. It was too difficult to explain to anyone what I’m going through because it’s not something I have entirely accepted myself. My friends see me as a strong, optimistic individual. But what other choice do I have?

To live in a world where everyone tries to pull everybody down. Where the prettier ones laugh at their less good-looking counterparts. Where being fat is like a sin. Wherein there will always be something wrong with whatever you do or wear or say.

To live in a world like this, I’m sorry to say, I can’t blame those who took their own lives. It was easier to suffer a moment of physical pain and just end everything right there than to endure an emotional and mental one for a long time.

But if I didn’t remind myself every waking day that I am of value and worth, if I didn’t look forward to reaching all my dreams and ambitions, I would have been long gone by now.

I’m saying all of this because everyone’s going through something we know nothing about.

We’re all suffering our own battles. Battles we’ve fought since we were kids or as adults. Battles at home. Battles at school or in the workplace. Battles with our family and friends. Battles with our emotions. And the most difficult battle of all.. battles with our own damn selves.

We’re all victims in the same way that we’re also offenders. We’re humans. We’re not perfect and we’ll never be.

But if we have a chance to change the world, let’s start in our own little ways.

Reach out. Listen as much as you speak. Appreciate. Share your talents. Be kind. Apologize. Forgive. Move forward. Smile. Go after your dreams. Love and love and always share your sunshine!

Unafraid

I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of failure,
rejection,
taking risks,
and falling in love.I wasn’t like this before.
I’m a risk taker. Or was.
I believed in love.
I didn’t give up on it.

Not until I lost myself.

And I don’t want to be found yet.
I want to explore my limits.
My passion. My thirst for adventure.

But deep inside I know
I’m waiting for the time
when I’ll meet someone
who’ll wait for me fall in love unafraid..
again.

 

To my future love, let me love myself first.

Cooloola National Park

I’ve been in a few relationships.
They have all ended.
I got all my closures.
When I look back, I realize how much I’ve changed,
And how much of myself I’ve lost.

I grew more insecure.
I lost the confidence I have in myself.
My self-esteem crashed.
I stopped doing the things that I love, thinking that I was never good at them.
I kept forgetting that I am special.
That I am important.
That I, too, deserve the love that I selflessly give everybody else.
I thought I needed saving.
So, I kept looking for someone who will save me from loneliness.

That’s why, I’m giving myself a break.
I realized that I should be my own superhero.
I should grasp my weaknesses first, and accept them.
Then I should identify my strengths, and improve them.

I should start finding my passion
Which will fill up all these cracks I got from being broken.
And I will be whole… again.

Imperfect, but whole.

Though I’m not saying I will fully love myself after this phase.
Because there will still be days that I won’t.
But I will be stronger. Braver.

I will be able to love again with everything I’ve got.
I will be ready to give my all.
And I will not be scared.

Thus, for now, I’m going to love myself first.
I will embrace my insecurities and flaws.
And when the right time comes, I will love again.
I will face any challenge head-on.
There will still be fights and misunderstandings.
But unlike before, I will not easily give up.

So, to the next person I’m going to love, wait for me.
Let me love myself first, so I can also love you.
On days when I will not understand you.
And even more on days when you can’t love yourself.

My future love, let me love myself first, and when the time is right,
I will be ready for you.

Yours always,
Shen