To my friends going through a difficult time

 

No matter how many times you go back to the past, it will never change.

This difficult time is temporary. Nothing in this world is permanent. Whatever you’re going through right now won’t last. It may seem like you’re facing endless problems in your life, but trust me, it will never be for long. Take them as challenges, as motivations, to do better and to push yourself to overcome these difficult times.

You are not alone. I am here. I will always be here. If you ever need someone to vent out to or when you feel like nobody is willing to listen, I may be a hundred or thousand miles away, but you still got me. I will listen without judgment. I may not be able to take away your pain, but letting it all out may help you.

Stop blaming yourself or anyone else. We’re humans. We all make mistakes and we can always learn from them. No matter how many times you go back to the past, it will never change. Live in the present. Do whatever you can do today to improve your future. Change your mindset and focus more on solutions.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit. You’ve gone through hard times before and have always come out stronger and better. I’ve witnessed some of your losses and struggles. But I’ve also seen your victories. I will always be proud of you. Be proud of yourself, too.

But remember this…

No matter how many times you ask for my advice, it will not help you as much. You know what’s best for you. It’s always your decision to help yourself. And no matter what you decide, I’ll be there to support you.

So, my friend, cry when you must, but never forget to chin up, breathe and face each day as a new beginning.

Through thick and thin,
Shen

 

Five lessons I’ve learned from past relationships

1. People are not possessions.

Yes, both of you made a promise to be committed to each other, or to date exclusively, but it doesn’t mean that you own your partner. Let them go out with their friends or have hobbies that don’t include you. Don’t try to access all their social media accounts, and worse, even emails.

Never control them because possessiveness is a sign of insecurity. Trust them. If they truly love you, they will not do anything that will ruin your relationship. And if you don’t trust them, why be in a relationship with them in the first place?

2. Closures shouldn’t be forced.

When relationships end, we all demand closure. We all want answers to all our unanswered questions. We want to have that ‘one last conversation‘, ‘one last hug‘ or ‘one last kiss‘ to “formally” end a relationship, if there’s such a thing.

What I’ve actually noticed is that, we demand these closures because we’re clinging on to that slim chance that they’ll get back with us after the talk. But no. Never force closure because you’ll only get more questions instead of answers.

There’s nothing more liberating than getting the closure you deserved at the right time.

3. Never talk when you’re angry.

When we’re angry, we become heartless. Our minds are clouded with emotions. We become deaf to what our partner is saying. We only hear our words and most of the time, we regret them afterwards. Anything you say to a person when you’re angry will always be etched in their minds. They may forgive you but they’ll never forget it.

4. Compatibility and chemistry are important.

Chemistry, or that “click” or “spark” we feel, and compatibility, or being “on the same page“, with your partner, usually determine how long the relationship will last.

Compatibility without chemistry end up with a dry and dull relationship, usually waiting for the other to end the relationship first. While chemistry without compatibility start with a passionate attraction and end up with a toxic and selfish relationship.

Having these two together in a relationship is a bit rare. Usually, it’s one or the other. It’s still possible to love someone without these but they don’t usually last, unless you just settled.

5. Love also means to let go.

Going back to #1, your partner is not your possession. When you love someone and you see that they’re unhappy with you, you have to let them go. We can’t keep someone just because we want to. If we’re okay to see our partners suffer as long as they’re with us, then that’s not love, that’s selfishness. Don’t be that person.

 

5 things I’ve realized at 25

1. Everyone is as lost as you are.

Sometimes, we get envious of people in our news feed posting photos and following their dreams. What we don’t know is that they are as lost as we are, they are just better at hiding it. What people post in social media are just the ‘tip of the iceberg‘. Life crisis happens at any age.

2. It’s okay to say ‘No’.

I’ve always been a ‘Yes’ person because I wanted to avoid conflicts and I hated to upset anyone. There were many times I’ve tolerated other people’s actions (and mine’s) because I was too afraid to reject people. I had this turning point in my life when I said ‘No’ to someone I care about because I know it will hurt more if I stayed. It was sad, but it was also a relief.

3. People come and go.

People whom you hold dear to your heart will leave. People you thought you’ll have for the rest of your life won’t have second thoughts letting you go. It will hurt at first but you will be fine. People are temporary. People grow apart.

4. It’s okay to be selfish.

Giving can be tiring, especially when you feel empty. Giving to others isn’t always the solution. Sometimes, you have to give some to yourself, too. Which in turn, will let you give more to others. Remember, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’

5. Family is important.

Your family will always be there for you no matter what. They will stay through your ups and downs and will always support you. I wouldn’t have survived without mine. Love you, Fam!

One last note:

Don’t try to make everything perfect. You’re still young. It’s okay to make mistakes, but learn from them. Don’t compare your life to others because you’ll always be disappointed. Follow your own vibe and your own pace. You’re doing okay. 🙂