Five lessons I’ve learned from past relationships

1. People are not possessions.

Yes, both of you made a promise to be committed to each other, or to date exclusively, but it doesn’t mean that you own your partner. Let them go out with their friends or have hobbies that don’t include you. Don’t try to access all their social media accounts, and worse, even emails.

Never control them because possessiveness is a sign of insecurity. Trust them. If they truly love you, they will not do anything that will ruin your relationship. And if you don’t trust them, why be in a relationship with them in the first place?

2. Closures shouldn’t be forced.

When relationships end, we all demand closure. We all want answers to all our unanswered questions. We want to have that ‘one last conversation‘, ‘one last hug‘ or ‘one last kiss‘ to “formally” end a relationship, if there’s such a thing.

What I’ve actually noticed is that, we demand these closures because we’re clinging on to that slim chance that they’ll get back with us after the talk. But no. Never force closure because you’ll only get more questions instead of answers.

There’s nothing more liberating than getting the closure you deserved at the right time.

3. Never talk when you’re angry.

When we’re angry, we become heartless. Our minds are clouded with emotions. We become deaf to what our partner is saying. We only hear our words and most of the time, we regret them afterwards. Anything you say to a person when you’re angry will always be etched in their minds. They may forgive you but they’ll never forget it.

4. Compatibility and chemistry are important.

Chemistry, or that “click” or “spark” we feel, and compatibility, or being “on the same page“, with your partner, usually determine how long the relationship will last.

Compatibility without chemistry end up with a dry and dull relationship, usually waiting for the other to end the relationship first. While chemistry without compatibility start with a passionate attraction and end up with a toxic and selfish relationship.

Having these two together in a relationship is a bit rare. Usually, it’s one or the other. It’s still possible to love someone without these but they don’t usually last, unless you just settled.

5. Love also means to let go.

Going back to #1, your partner is not your possession. When you love someone and you see that they’re unhappy with you, you have to let them go. We can’t keep someone just because we want to. If we’re okay to see our partners suffer as long as they’re with us, then that’s not love, that’s selfishness. Don’t be that person.