We’re all suffering our own battles.

As kids, we grew up believing in fairy tales. That we’re all secret princesses or princes waiting for our happily ever after. Well, that was how it was with me. I remember waiting for the moment my fairy godmother would pop out of nowhere, tell me I’m a princess of some far away kingdom and take me away, never to return.

But, of course, that moment never came. I’ve lived in this fantasy world for a while because society was plain cruel.

You know, I was born differently and so people around me made it their reason to point out that I was different. Making friends wasn’t easy. I grew insecure. I’ve always been insecure. I made bad decisions. I’ve always tried too hard to be friends with everyone because I wanted to fit in.

I know how it felt to be left out, so I promised myself I will never make anyone feel that way. But I guess, people will always interpret your actions in a different way. I was always the odd one out. It was too difficult to explain to anyone what I’m going through because it’s not something I have entirely accepted myself. My friends see me as a strong, optimistic individual. But what other choice do I have?

To live in a world where everyone tries to pull everybody down. Where the prettier ones laugh at their less good-looking counterparts. Where being fat is like a sin. Wherein there will always be something wrong with whatever you do or wear or say.

To live in a world like this, I’m sorry to say, I can’t blame those who took their own lives. It was easier to suffer a moment of physical pain and just end everything right there than to endure an emotional and mental one for a long time.

But if I didn’t remind myself every waking day that I am of value and worth, if I didn’t look forward to reaching all my dreams and ambitions, I would have been long gone by now.

I’m saying all of this because everyone’s going through something we know nothing about.

We’re all suffering our own battles. Battles we’ve fought since we were kids or as adults. Battles at home. Battles at school or in the workplace. Battles with our family and friends. Battles with our emotions. And the most difficult battle of all.. battles with our own damn selves.

We’re all victims in the same way that we’re also offenders. We’re humans. We’re not perfect and we’ll never be.

But if we have a chance to change the world, let’s start in our own little ways.

Reach out. Listen as much as you speak. Appreciate. Share your talents. Be kind. Apologize. Forgive. Move forward. Smile. Go after your dreams. Love and love and always share your sunshine!

It’s a wrap! From model homes to interviews to wedding and pre-debut shoots in one week!

It has been a long week for me and it just ended tonight!

Last Sunday, my housemates and I went to visit some model homes as they were planning to have their house built soon. I didn’t expect that visiting model homes would be so fun and inspiring. I can’t wait to be able to plan for my own house soon! Here are some of the houses we visited over the weekend:

Model homes

Next, I’ve had a line-up of job interviews from Monday to Wednesday. All three were a success! Heard some ‘wows’ and ‘great answers’ from the interviewers! Tee-hee. After a few days, I got two call backs already, but I have yet to decide on which offer to accept.

Now, the highlight of my week has been the pre-debut and wedding shoots we did.

Cronulla Sand Dunes
@ Cronulla Sand Dunes

Town Hall, Sydney
@ Town Hall, Sydney

On Thursday, GCC and I drove to Sydney at 3:30 am for an early start on the pre-debut day 1. It was an all-day shoot and we went to Townhall, Martin’s Place, Centennial Park, Cronulla Sand Dunes then to Circular Quay. Then arrived home at around 1:00 am. Long day, I know! Whew! Can’t post photos yet but I can’t wait to share it to you all!

GlennCJWedding
Glenn and Cj’s wedding © gccvisuals

The next day, Friday, was the wedding shoot. We, GCC, Icon and I, did some preparation shots and it was the first time we used the drone! It was one of the best Aussie weddings I’ve seen as everyone was happy! The couple have some beautiful vows for each other and I can’t help but cry a bit! Haha!

I was able to rest on Saturday morning, but I had to work in the arvo.

Visuals Team @ Coolangatta and Kiama

And today, Sunday, was a 7:00 am start for Team GCC Visuals (GCC, Angel, Icon and me) for the pre-debut shoot day 2! Had some amazing drone shots from the DJI Mavic Pro around Kiama Blowhole. Afterwards, we went to some vineyard to take a few photo and video shots. Finished the shoot at the client’s place for some Filo lunch!

25198780_10213572240093013_1960396069_o
Kiama Blowhole – Drone shot

I had to work again in the arvo but now, I’m in my PJs, freshly bathed and ready to sleep!

Learned many things this week! Looking forward to learning more in the next few weeks left for 2017! Thank you to GCC Visuals for teaching me how to use all camera equipment and for being patient with me!

For photo and video needs in Sydney down to the South Coast, contact GCC Visuals through Facebook, Instagram or at 61451 526 692 for Australia only.

Unafraid

I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of failure,
rejection,
taking risks,
and falling in love.I wasn’t like this before.
I’m a risk taker. Or was.
I believed in love.
I didn’t give up on it.

Not until I lost myself.

And I don’t want to be found yet.
I want to explore my limits.
My passion. My thirst for adventure.

But deep inside I know
I’m waiting for the time
when I’ll meet someone
who’ll wait for me fall in love unafraid..
again.

 

To my future love, let me love myself first.

Cooloola National Park

I’ve been in a few relationships.
They have all ended.
I got all my closures.
When I look back, I realize how much I’ve changed,
And how much of myself I’ve lost.

I grew more insecure.
I lost the confidence I have in myself.
My self-esteem crashed.
I stopped doing the things that I love, thinking that I was never good at them.
I kept forgetting that I am special.
That I am important.
That I, too, deserve the love that I selflessly give everybody else.
I thought I needed saving.
So, I kept looking for someone who will save me from loneliness.

That’s why, I’m giving myself a break.
I realized that I should be my own superhero.
I should grasp my weaknesses first, and accept them.
Then I should identify my strengths, and improve them.

I should start finding my passion
Which will fill up all these cracks I got from being broken.
And I will be whole… again.

Imperfect, but whole.

Though I’m not saying I will fully love myself after this phase.
Because there will still be days that I won’t.
But I will be stronger. Braver.

I will be able to love again with everything I’ve got.
I will be ready to give my all.
And I will not be scared.

Thus, for now, I’m going to love myself first.
I will embrace my insecurities and flaws.
And when the right time comes, I will love again.
I will face any challenge head-on.
There will still be fights and misunderstandings.
But unlike before, I will not easily give up.

So, to the next person I’m going to love, wait for me.
Let me love myself first, so I can also love you.
On days when I will not understand you.
And even more on days when you can’t love yourself.

My future love, let me love myself first, and when the time is right,
I will be ready for you.

Yours always,
Shen